the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
