I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
