My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize