dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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