Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
