I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize