the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
