Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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