why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
