Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
