Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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