just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
