census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Who died my cat blue again?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
