I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
