they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I didn't notice because vodka
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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