I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
