no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
