You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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