the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
