Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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