Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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