Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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