I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
