i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
