actually, I'm a sock model
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
