i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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