They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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