A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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