I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
