call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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