I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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