we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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