Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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