So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize