Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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