he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
