My liver just broke up with me...
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
