my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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