as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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