from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You're like the curious george of whores
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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