I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize