p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize