They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
