she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
