the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
