You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
