Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
