sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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