i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
