if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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