He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
