420 ftw
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
