What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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