i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
