There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
