Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Randomize
