It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
