my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
