Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize