i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
