Screwed.edu
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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