I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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