What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
