im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
