HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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