so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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